Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Sext me about skeletons
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
