If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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