My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
