your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
