She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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