I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
As shirtless as possible
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
