You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
