Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
