Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
