i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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