Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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