Fuck appropriateness.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
