I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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