im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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