I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
