I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
