So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
