when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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