Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
