the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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