My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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