this beer tastes like vomit already
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
