I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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