I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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