Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
why do cheetos always look like penises
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
