He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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