On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
