I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
