remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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