Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
