True but thats because hes a fetus.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
