Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Come share oat with me in your robe
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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