why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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