garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
