he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
if only i could text you this smell
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
