did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
