She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
