I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
