Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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