the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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