How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
