I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
