You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
