He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
