perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
