Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
