She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
