erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
