they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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