names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
