why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
