I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
