Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
