I could make wine with my vomit
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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