Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
