btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
